This is a continuation in the Master class blogs we started some time ago. It is taken from conversations held with various Temple elders and edited and transcribed by Jean Renard.
This particular week we were discussing the problems of not owning up to our actions and the concept of sovereignty, which led to an interesting discussion about self-esteem.
Please feel free to contribute your own thoughts on this subject, this is what this form of discussion is all about.
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We know that lack of self-esteem can paralyze an individual and in some cases they can lash out violently out of desperation, hurting themselves or others. People with low self-esteem are easily manipulated, abused and they are generally less effective than they should be in their everyday life. We also see links between depression and the weakening of the immune system. The lack of self-esteem makes people feel insecure and paranoid and leads to depression and at one point or another most of us have felt this way.
The questions that arose in our discussion were:
1- How do we actually define self-esteem or better yet, esteem?
2- Why was lack of self-esteem so commonplace in both adults and children?
3- What can we do about it other than projecting pink light on those affected?
So what is “esteem” ?
At its root, the word esteem in Middle English means to establish the worth of something or to put a value on something. Clearly then we need to consider what it is we value and understand that those things, when they are taken away from us, results in our self-esteem becoming low. This might appear terribly self evident, but without looking at the actual problem it is hard to find a solution. If esteem is”worth”, then the lack of esteem is the feeling of being worthless. Unlike full on depression, someone could be lacking self-esteem in one part of their life and be able to cope quite well in other areas yet this is still a time bomb that should be dealt with.
An investigation into what makes us feel valuable is in order. The most common answers seem to be: any external validation, fame or notoriety, work or societal promotions, financial worth, possessions (like the mid life crisis purchase of the sports car), having control/power, all can make us feel worthy, at least for a short time. Some gain self-worth through the accomplishments of their children or by dating a specific person, and glancing at the other end of the spectrum, gang members feel valued when they are awarded admission, can wear the gang colors or gain a command position just like in the military or any restricted club. All of these validations are transactional and can be taken away or surpassed and I would propose that some are useful, but not truly valuable at all, yet they affect us more than we would like to admit.
With the industrial revolution, consumerism and the value we place on “things”, money and superficial accomplishments have surpassed most everything else. In that world, anything is possible if you apply yourself since everything is for sale and one transaction away. We truly believe this and the sky does become the limit, which, if taken at face value, should provide us with endless joy, yet we are instead sinking ever deeper into fear and depression when we fail to accomplish these lofty dreams that we are told are within our grasp.
Our ‘dream’ cars, homes, jobs and even the ‘dream’ date are all real concepts that can be ours if we play along and dress correctly, have the right attitude, work hard and have the money or credit to buy it. We are exposed to this concept almost from birth and we understand it well and so play into it. If “it” fails us, we assume we simply do not have enough of “it” which is why the child’s wish of ‘being a millionaire’ is reassessed when that sum is reached and if the dream looks like it might take too much work, we abandon it in favor of another or we purchase it on credit, beyond our ability to pay, which often triggers disastrous consequences.
This process, leads us to the second question about why the lack of self-esteem is so widespread.
There are many answers to that of course, but in today’s society, I look no further than a toxic cocktail of pop culture values, increased narcissism, a growing sense of entitlement and of course religious views that treat all of us as sinners and failures unless we do as we are told.
I wonder what most of us would wish for if they did stumble on a Genii. I rarely hear anyone wishing for “Contentment”, “Wisdom”, “Abundance” or to simply be “Correct”. The ever-popular wish for 'Love' is generally focused on one individual that is typically unattainable, health is also commonly asked for but only after years of abuse and so we cannot claim to have valued good health all along.
Increasingly we have become idol worshippers, we build pedestals for celebrities, the rich, the beautiful, those with fame or power while our own ego in combination with our growing sense of entitlement and our “the sky is the limit” thinking, creates a high pedestal for ourselves to step up to in the process.
This is where the story turns. As we buy into the “sky is the limit” mentality, something unfortunate happens, reality creeps in and when we fail to reach those high expectations we have of ourselves, we feel lacking and depressed. Our failure to get the raise, the lover of our choice, win the race, get the newest car, or even have our children on the honor roll, contribute to our sense of failure and creates a perpetual lack of self esteem. Are we perhaps looking in the wrong places for esteem? All of this happens in a culture where most of us can feed ourselves and are sheltered from the elements, where doctors are reasonably plentiful and there is still some rule of law. Comparing our lifestyles with those of 2 billion other people on this planet who have none of that, we should feel fortunate indeed, yet we are increasingly eating anti-depressants turning to drugs or alcohol and generally feeling bad about ourselves.
The problem about self-esteem in today’s society is that the success we seek is ever running ahead of us and we will never actually catch it. The point is to keep us running and consuming, not being happy. If our self-esteem is anchored in the values seen in pop culture, we will be chasing the value of “More” and “Never enough” until we die. The fundamental values that makes life on this planet meaningful are disappearing. The dignity of life and the power of a diverse and rich culture are ignored as “old fashioned” and the Abrahamic religions bombard their followers with concepts of original sin and ever-present evil resulting in wars over ideology, all the while infusing their membership with even more reasons to loathe themselves and others. If you want to see what all of this leads to, look at the rally that happened in Washington just the other day with Glenn Beck on the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech. The values of the Christian right were out there for all to see and the specter of communism (anyone remember McCarthy?) was all around while evil (Satan is very busy these days) and fake patriotism (wearing the flag while ignoring or re-interpreting the constitution) were used to legitimize prejudice and fear. Facile answers to complex problems should send people running for the door, but a growing portion of the population wants simple miracle solutions. Given that we are in a supply and demand economy, all ye need do is ask and Glenn Beck and others like him, shall make it so and all you need do is follow.
So what can be done other than projecting pink light?
Maybe what we need is to re-evaluate what we esteem and why we value such things. In fact by just by participating in the exercise of re-evaluation , we take a huge step in the correct direction and instead of wasting time chasing illusions, we can feel good about returning to the fundamental values of mother Earth, of respect, culture, civility, indulgence for ourselves and all those around us and rejoice in the daily triumphs we can all accomplish, no matter our position in life, with daily acts of kindness.
Let the Majick begin.
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